My grandfather used to sing this to me.

I took my girl out to a ball, it was a fancy hop
We danced until the people left, the music it did stop
I took her to a restaurant, the best one on the street
She said she wasn't thirsty, but this is what she eat.

A plate of slaw, a cabbage raw, a chicken and a roast
Asparagrass and applesass and soft-shelled crabs on toast
Oyster stew and crackers, too, her appetite was immense,
But I thought I'd die when she asked for pie cuz I had but fifty cents.

She took it in so easy, she had an awful tank
She said she wasn't thirsty, but this is what she drank

A whiskey skin, a glass of gin, a schooner full of beer
A glass of pop, with rum on top that made me shake with fear
A gin cocktail, a glass of ale, I'd thought she'd have more sense
But I fell on the floor when she asked for more cuz I had but fifty cents

She said she'd bring her family 'round and we'd have lots of fun.
I showed the waiter my fifty cents, and this is what he done.

He punched my nose, he tore my clothes and threw me on the floor
He made me a prize of a couple black eyes, and with me swept the floor
He kicked me where my pants hung loose, and threw me over the fence
Take my advice, don't try it twice, when you have but fifty cents!