Here is a reply I made to one of those smug, stupid chain letters from someone calling them self a "conservative." The ignorance displayed is astounding.

I had to reply...


First off, I am Conservative on most things. The radical people in this country are the deranged people who want to run this country with the government and regulations as a money spigot to the good ole boys who went to school with the politicians.

18 WAYS TO BE A GOOD LIBERAL

1. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

All of society is artificial, wearing dresses, hunting, gathering, all of it. Having sex and making babies is natural. A lot of animals are homosexual. No animal besides people give their girls Barbies and their boys Hot Wheels. I would say the the above statement is not "liberal" but observed fact.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and government creates prosperity.

That's just horse shit. Republican "conservatives" seem to think that giving tax breaks to millionaires so that they can buy Italian yachts and invest in "Asian growth funds" creates prosperity, when all it does is made out hereditary leaders lazier. Government creates infrastructure and preserves order. Trying to drown government in the bath tub leads to Chaos and kleptocracy, and as we see with the present economy, it is ultimately bad for business and destroys hard won prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Iran or North Korea.

No no one is worried about the law abiding citizens. Could you find a dumber thing to say? But, if in a country with 100 million gun owners, if one percent are inclined to felony, 5 percent pollute the water table with target practice, 5 percent make errors in gun safety and .0001 percent buy submachine guns and shoot up schools and fast food stores, we have a bigger problem than sovereign governments building Nukes so that we won't try to overthrow them by force.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.

Most art throughout history has been by the patronage of the ruler. Do you think the pyramids and the Parthenon were built by hippies? Mozart, Beethoven and Woody Guthrie all had government patrons. Brittany Spears and Miley Cyrus are the results of corporate mass marketing.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical changes in the earth's climate and MORE affected by soccer moms driving SUVs.

If natural cycles were 90 percent and we were 10 percent and that ten percent was what caused us to pass the tipping point and melt the ice caps. Does that still mean that individuals should still be commuting in vehicles with the amount of resources for a ten person bus? Natural cycles are no excuse to waste. For example, most forest fires are caused by lightening. Does that allow us to ignore Smokey the Bear? My friend, think of the "Greatest Generation", then it was conservative to conserve.

6. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

Comparing the two is disingenuous and stupid.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by lack of federal funding.

No you have to believe that the spread can be diminished with federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

Yeah better to "teach" them abstinence and spend money helping them bring unwanted babies to term.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but PETA activists do.

Most hunters do not care about nature. They care about the availability of prey. Cheney shot his buddy while hunting for farm raised foul. PETA women don't care about nature. They care about animals they think of as human. PETA men care about impressing PETA women and getting laid.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

Oh you mean like going to legacy private school, being a cheerleader, going to college on your daddy's name? Getting to fly jets because your Dad was in Congress? Being CEO of a Baseball Team, becoming governor and becoming President because of your dad's rolodex? Most "self esteem" is inherited. Its not so bad to level the playing field, Give some kids a hand up and reward merit.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.

He made a ton of money. Writers are supposed to write what they know. Artists are supposed to take on projects they believe in. That is an accepted path to financial and artistic success. Getting drunk and cursing Israel while getting arrested in LA is the opposite of that.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

the NRA supports a very narrow interpretation of a single paragraph of one amendment. The ACLU supports the whole Constitution, especially the Bill of Rights. How much cement would have to be between a person's ears for him not to see that?

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low and ATM fees are too high.

A "conservative" for some strange reason fights for tax breaks for people he will only ever see from afar. The religion of low taxes is a worship of false idols. As a voter, don't talk to me about all taxes. Talk to me about my taxes.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history that George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and General MacArthur.

George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and General MacArthur were a lot more "liberal" than "conservative" when measured against these 18 points.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas are not.

The tests are not "racist" they are stacking the deck. People who argue for the quotas want to see the deck stacked the other way. True liberals want to see more opportunity for all.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

Liberalism and and socialism are different things in the real world. It is the "conservative's" compulsive need to stereotype which binds them together in the popular imagination.

17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens and transvestites should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

Private displays of any religious or social opinion are protected by the Constitution. Private displays. Go ahead, put a manger scene in your yard and see who bothers you. You can have a glutton's for Jesus parade any time you want. Decorate your SUVs with yellow ribbons and praying Calvins kneeling at the cross and parade down the highway at 10 miles per hour, one person per car. Oh yeah, I forgot, y'all do that every weekday at rush hour.

18. You have to believe that this message is part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.

No just some narrow minded provocation.