IF I"D ONLY USED MY BRAIN
(with apologies to Yip Harburg and Harold Arlen)

Oh, I'd while away the hours

Just gazin' at the flowers
 - Most learnin' I'd disdain.

Now they say my mind would be more
Agile and I'd clearly see more
If I'd only used my brain.

If I'd tackled me more riddles,

Maybe took up bluegrass fiddle--

Hey! They say "No pain, no gain! --
I'd be better at me thunkin',
And me cortex far less shrunken
If I'd only used my brain.

Oh, now they tell us why
We need to use it more!

If I'd known what puns and cryptograms were for

I'd done that kind of stuff lots more.

I would not be so befuddled,

My thoughts all dim and muddled
,
Pure reasoning a strain.

If I'd been a bit contrari-
an
 And done a lot more query-
in'
 And only used my brain.