YOUNG SHOPPING

Earl Richard is to Tesco gone
His Club Card in his hands
He's bought cheap beer and Pringles round
And at the floozie's door now stands.

"Yer comin' in? The heating's on
And the lava lamp's all lit"
"Nah" said he, '"I'm away back home
Mrs Richard's ten times more fit'"

So she knifed him.

Several weeks later:

Earl Richard, lain long in the Ikea self-assembly wardrobe
Had really begun to smell.
'"'ere, gimme an 'hand", to the cleaner she said,
"to sling 'im down the deep drawer well" .

'Twas the day the bin men went on strike
And the rubbish chute got stuck
Mrs Richard had called the cops
And the two of them screamed "Oh ****"

And then they were both burned like hokey green.
Whatever that is.