One of mine which recently had its public debut. Takes longer to type (and quite possibly to read) than it does to sing.

(THIS IS) THE BALLAD OF SIR PATRICK SPENS

O the King sat in Dunfermline town,
And in Dunfermline town sat he.
In the King's great hall, on the King's high throne
(Very much where you'd expect a king to be)
And that's enough information for now.
Sell the horse and saddle the cow!
Fol-de-rol-de-riddle and too-ra-loo
This is the ballad of Sir Patrick Spens
And tonight I'm going to sing it all the way through.

O the King was drinking the blood-red wine,
For the colour of the wine that the King preferred was red.
And the King put down his blood-red wine
And the King turned to his lords and this he said -
I'll tell you what he said in a minute or two.
Turn your money when the moon is new!
Fol-de-rol-de-riddle and too-ra-lee
This is the ballad of Sir Patrick Spens
And we should get finished around a quarter to three.

O the King turned to his lords and he said,
"Find me a mariner who can sail the sea.
Not a mariner who hunts, or makes little wooden toys -
Those kinds of mariner are no good to me,
For it's sailing a ship that I've got in mind."
Knock them dead and you can rob them blind!
Fol-de-rol-de-riddle and too-ra-loo
This is the ballad of Sir Patrick Spens
And if you liked that bit you're going to love Verse 22.

"O Sir Patrick Spens is the man that you want,"
Said a little lord sitting at the King's right knee,
By the King's high throne, in the King's great hall,
In Dunfermline, as we've established previously.
I hope you're keeping up with the story so far.
Never trust a man with a big cigar!
Fol-de-rol-de-riddle and row-tow-tow
This is the ballad of Sir Patrick Spens
And it should start hotting up any time now.

So the King has written a letter so broad
(For he preferred that to a letter that was long)
And he's sent it to Sir Patrick Spens
Who, as you may remember, is the hero of this song
And he'll be coming in after the next refrain.
One man's loss is another man's gain!
Fol-de-rol and rickety-tickety-tin
This is the ballad of Sir Patrick Spens
And if it goes well I might just do Tam Lin.

O Sir Patrick Spens was walking on the strand
When a messenger came with a letter from the King.
"O why has the King sent this letter to me?
For I'm very much a novice at the whole ship-sailing thing.
Still, the orders of the King must be obeyed."
Never count the profits till the bills are paid!
Fol-de-rol-de-riddle and hi-de-ho
This is the ballad of Sir Patrick Spens
And I think we all know how this one's going to go.

O Sir Patrick Spens and all his men drowned
While they were doing as the King proposed.
I know there's more to say - I've left a lot of bits out -
But I wanted to get off this stage before the bar closed.
So that's all I'm going to say about Sir Patrick Spens.
Never say 'whither' when you mean to say whence'!
Fol-de-rol-de-riddle and roll them bones
That was the ballad of Sir Patrick Spens -

And if you want to hear it done properly, try Nic Jones.

(Phil Edwards)