It's always a problem when you can't fiddle with your spouse. And if you don't find a solution you'll invariably end up fiddling with yourself.

Two suggestions come to mind:
1. Find a solitary spot where you can fiddle around in peace
2. Earplugs. Two sets. One for her when you play and the other for you when she complains.

But, under no circumstances, should you stop fiddling. Birds gotta swim, fish gotta fly, I gotta fiddle around 'til I die. . .

Peace