I can see you were brought up on First Aid in English - Volgadon.

a brown as a .....
as black as .......
as sweet as......

So what I suggest is WAV old chap. Close down the thread. Make up your roster of fame. And start another thread.
Publish and be damned. And send a press release to Rock and reel and Froots and The English Ping Pong and Prance gang.

You've got something in mind, do it.

As Norman Stanley Fletcher said, Ours not reason why - ours but to eat the pie!