Nothing disgusts me more than filthy unashamed beard growth.

Can't you just stay indoors and grow a furtive beard and enjoy it in the privacy of your own home?

And what's wrong with shaving it off when you come out (ahem) ...

Don't you realise that growing a beard undermines shaving for the rest of us healthy moral folk?

I mean deliberately allowing ones hair follicles to manufacture cells and sprout forth like cherubim and seraphim at a roman orgy ... pant ... pant ...

Excuse me ... back in 5 ...