Ramblings of a Retired Mind:

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse.
I can't afford one. - So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.


You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.


I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!


I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'


I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it 'Pumping Rust.'


I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!


I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?' Just once I want to say - 'No, it's for company!'


Employment application blanks always ask 'who is to be notified in case of an emergency.'   I think you should write - 'A Good Doctor!'


Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do... write to these men? - Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail? - Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures!


I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older - then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals.

As for me - I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.