The various versions above demonstrate how a relatively simple verse can be altered over time by people mishearing the words. I do NOT claim that what follows is the definitive version but it is a true copy of the version sung by Tommy Steele according to the website (now disappeared) from which I copied it. I hope you would agree that without references to Lord Lovell (?) and the alteration from mouth to "race" (boat race = face) the lines make somewhat more sense. I have used onomatopoeia to convey the delivery, if not the sound, of Tommy Steele and Harry Champion. Tommy Steele took his calling seriously, taking every opportunity, before the death of Music Hall, to sit with the "greats" and learn all he could about timing and presentation. Anyway, here goes:

Oh, Jimmy Bean wos a funny-lookin' feller
If he'd 'ad a bigger marf (mouth) you'ld've took it for the cellar
But 'is race queered (stopped) 'im from winnin' a beauty show
Oh it wos like a steam boat funnel, or a railway arch or the Blackwall Tunnel
An' yer couldn't see Jim when 'e opened 'is marf yer know
An' as poor Jim goes walkin' abart (about), you can 'ear the kids orl 'oller and shart (shout)

Wot a marf, wot a marf, wot a norf (North) an' sarf (South), blimey wot a marf 'e's got
When 'e wos a baby, Oh Gawd luv 'er
'is pore ol' Mum 'ad ter feed 'im wiv a shovel
Wot a gap, poor chap - 'e's never been known ter larf
'cos if 'e did, it's a penny to a quid that 'is face would fall in 'arf.

'is marf wos so large, oh Lor' lumme (love me)
'e can whisper in 'is own ear - ain't that funny
an' ter quench 'is first (thirst), nar (now) 'e's gotta take a drink o' mine
'e got so drunk one foggy morn, 'e laid in the road an' started ter yawn,
An' a pore ol' man wos deliverin' coals nearby
An' as 'e went to dump 'is load, 'e saw Jim's marf art (out) in the road,

Wot a marf, wot a marf, wot a norf an' sarf, blimey wot a marf 'e's got
Nar (now) the pore ol' bloke bein' a short sighted feller
When 'e sore (saw)Jim's marf, 'e took it for the cellar
an' 'e shot the lot right inter Jim's marf - no joke,
Nar Jim, pore sole's gotta belly full of coal an' 'e coughs up lumps of coke!