"I'm an Aston Villa fan - does that count?"

Oh...you poor, poor man. I...I hardly know what to say. Have you considered....euthanasia?

"If he did crush us then who would he have to direct his ire at?"

Good point! I've wondered about that myself. That's why I keep talking to him from time to time, in fact. I don't want him to feel abandoned. Any attention is better than none at all, right?