I will certainly not be allowing any "contemporary" or "relevant" arguing. Strictly 1954 definition arguing only; phrases and techniques that have stood the test of time will earn bonus points. If people want to write new arguments, they can sod off as far as I am concerned.
Kicking will be allowed, eye-gouging not. Any reference to (a) horses, or (b) Ewan McColl, will earn instant disqualification.
When I give the final adjudication, I shall say "And the winner is....," and then pause for a long long time so the camera can linger on the taut and worried faces of Jim and Dick. Then I will annmounce the winner, and he will expected to jump up and down and shout a lot. The loser will be required to burst into tears.
I think this has got a lot of potential as a spectator event, better than what they normally have at Sixmilebridge Festival; in previous years it has just been a load of old timers playing fiddles and mouth organs and singing and drinking black stuff and all that malarkey. There may actually have been a bit of freelance impromptu arguing going on in some of the pubs, but nothing properly organised ,as this is going to be.