Bill
As performed by Mike Cross
(partial)

I went to old Bill's funeral,
One of the multitude.
They asked if I'd be kind enough
To say a word or two.
I didn't want to tell a lie
In anything I said;
But how could I avoid it
And not speak ill of the dead?

CHORUS:

Well if Heaven is glad
When sinners cease to sin
If the devil is glad
When another soul comes in
If the earth is glad
To be rid of a knave
Then everybody's happy
'Cause Bill is in his grave.

***

(A brief "biography" of this Bill is given in additional verses.)

John