With apologies to my Canadian neighbors:

A Mountie rode alone Toronto's Metro
Sweaty red wool stench worn like a shroud
It suffused the crowded train
And yet this was the refrain
From his fellow riders caught within the cloud

(refrain)
I'd rather smell myself than G. Armani
Halitosis is preferred to Listerine
My good Canadian sweat
Is less pungeant than my breath
But I'd rather smell myself than G. Armani

The Blue Jays played a game at Yankee Stadium
The NY team smelled fresh and sweet and clean
But Toronto's locker room
Reaked of various bodily fumes
To the fans up in the bleachers they did scream

I'd rather smell...

The provinces up north have banned all perfume
Poisoned scents or lotions are a crime
Public toilets smell of shit
Better that than cans of flit
For the population's safe from toxic climes.

And they'd rather smell themselves...