I've only ever had one paid gig in my life, which was when the ceilidh band I used to sit in with when I was 12/13 gave me a fiver at the end of the night. A proud moment, not to be repeated. (Plus, it was quite a lot of money then. Ho ho).

My most disastrous floor spot was when I decided it would be a good idea to perform "Garageland" by The Clash, accompanying myself on the melodeon. (I've posted this before, but then these threads do crop up quite often).