It would be the right thing to do , I went to confession, I figured that was good enough. I got into trouble with my fireman here in town. Sorry Peace. We have this horn that blows 10 times a day so I published this in the paper

                   An essay on Horns

Throughout the history of mankind the Horn has been use to announce many aspects of human behavior.   Vikings would blow on an ox horn to signal the time to pillage and plunder some small village. I saw on TV that in Switzerland, the Ricola guy climbs high up into the mountains wearing green shorts and a funny hat carrying a huge horn. He then blows it to signal the small village that it is time for everyone to take their cough drops. When I was a kid, I had a horn on my Pee Wee Herman Bike. The squeezy ball on the back of it broke so if I wanted to make the horn work, I had to let go of the handlebars and blow into it. I got hurt a lot when I rode that bike!   Every culture that has a horn also has a secret code. For example, two toots on the Viking horn meant the raid was successful. Three toots meant - time to tread water.

In my town, like many villages, we also have a horn - a very big horn. Most of us over the past 30 years have adapted well to the blast - Darwin would be very proud of us. For example, I have a friend who has many implanted medical devices. He told me that he doesn't even hear it. When it blows, he goes into a state of semi-consciousness and awakes believing he is a movie star. I also noticed that the songbirds no longer fall out of the trees but apparently know to seek shelter - window glass – hey it's cheap!

Like the cultures before us we also have our own secret codes. I don't remember all of them but some of the important one I believe I do recall:

2 blasts   - That darn cat is up Sally's tree again!
4 blasts   - Hey Ed, don't forget the Pizza!
37 blasts - Dear God, We are out of Beer!

Since we are now in an era of high technology. I would like to humbly suggest some possible changes:

How about Bells   - churches always play music like "How great thou art" or " Amazing grace". What if we get them to play certain songs for certain codes. For example the song " In heaven there is no beer" could replace the 37 blasts.

Organ Music - Everyone loves organ music! They must! Every sporting event I have ever been to has a guy on the organ. Since last years hockey season was a bust, we probably could get the organ guy from the Sabres to play certain songs for certain codes.

"Take me out to the ball game" could replace the 2 blasts for Sally's cat problem.

Given the place of the horn in the world history, and considering we are a very historical town, can we at least have Mozart's horn concerto?