Recently the local fire department had a hazmat drill. Now the hazmat suits are connected to a special pump just for this drill -- normally they'd have self-contained breathing appartus, or SCBA, units. But to save the SCBA units in case a real emergency happened during the drill they used the pump.

Now these suits cut you off completely from the outside world and the FD had six firefighters working in them. One of the chaps, however, had a terrible problem relating to bean burritos, Dr. Pepper soda, and some fried cabbage he'd enjoyed before coming on shift -- and suiting up for the drill.

God knows, he tried to prevent a hazmat accident inside his hazmat suit. But it was not to be. He poisoned his own atmosphere so completely that the fumes ate away the cuffs of his suit. This sudden drop in suit pressure somehow forced the fumes (which had by now eaten away all of his body hair) back into the pump and into the suits of the other five firefighters.

All of the other five succumbed instantly. All of their body hair fell off and a real, true, hazmat emergency was declared. The suit (and body) of the guy who started it all was sealed into a special container which was immediately transported to the Idaho National Laboratory, where, in the middle of 590 square miles of Idaho desert, it was opened by remotely controlled vehicles.

The other five are fine, now, and are looking high and low for the first guy. Seems like a blond and a redhead -- both women -- were among those who are no longer hirsute. The first guy has been collected by the US Army's Chemical Warfare Corps and is now Top Secret. Further details are expected to become available in the semi-near future.