Mrrzy, I know what you are going through is very painful, but it does get better in time. You may not have custody of your boys, but I don't know of any court that would keep you away from them. That means you would have visitation rights.

I have been through exactly what you are going through. That was so long ago, the pain has vanished. Almost 28 years. My oldest (daughter) is 38 and my youngest (son) is 36. I had them every Tuesday evening, then took them to school on Wednesday. I had them on Friday or Saturday night and all of the next day. Of course, they spent vacation time with me as well. They were 11 and 9 when my world fell apart. They turned out great and I am very proud of them. My daughter is a producer for Showtime (in California) and my son is in Real Estate in Louisville. You know what kind of pain you are going through -- well, just double or triple that for them (depending on their age). They love you and need you.

They will always love you and cherish their time with you. In time they will make their own decisions and be influenced by no one. It's important that you make their lives just as normal as possible. For one, don't give up with discipline when they visit you. I made that mistake. Discipline merely tells them that you really care about them and want to help shape their lives.

Music? I found it hard to concentrate on that when I was going through this stuff. However, I wouldn't sing anything that would take me any lower than I was already. I'd recommend the same for you. You are a good person. Don't forget that. Go on with your life. Find someone else to share it with. I just celebrated 25 great years with my wife. She went through a tough divorce as well. I was an insurance broker and found her in one of my accounts. Treat yourself well. You are special and need to feel that way. If you seek out the company of others, that will help. Your kids need to see a happy parent. It will be tough at first, but don't sit around and mope. That will solve nothing -- I'll bet your X is going on with her/his life.

Best wishes and God Bless.

Jim