This is a parody of "My Grandfather's Clock", written and performed by musical hall artist George Formby Senior.

THE GRANDFATHER'S CLOCK
(Parody written and performed by George Formby Senior)

[Spoken intro]
This is a song about me grandfather, and them that doesn't want to listen, get out o't room – please – 'cos it's only annoyance to me. Nah then, lads…

[Sung]
My grandfather's clock was a waterbelly watch,
It could live ninety days without food.
With a silk hat on its head and me father's meckuntosh (mackintosh),
It was dressed up like a Piccadilly dude.
It was kept in the hall 'til the cup-board got ter small,
And we had no place the food for to stock.
So the butter and the heggs and the little mutton legs,
We kept them in me grandfather's clock.

And the works of the clock, through the butter melting in it,
Sent the fingers flying round at a hundred miles a minute.
And granddad, with a sigh, said, "I haven't time to die,
So I'll put it off until the clock's repaired".

[Spoken interlude]
Aye, it was about 't best thing as he could do, d'you know. Very sensible man, was me grandfather. He allus undressed his self before he got into bed…

[Sung]
My grandfather's clock was me mother's p'ramberlator,
Round the park in it we used to ride.
There was me and Treacle Tommy, Liza Ann and Justice Hawkins,
Screaming Jimmy and the twins all stuck inside.
So, granddad – who was dead – changed his mind, got up instead,
And the sight that he saw gave him a shock.
For the man who brought the coal couldn't get it down the hole,
So he slung it in me grandfather's clock.

And we didn't need a shovel as the pend'lum swung higher,
For every time it swung, it knocked some coal into the fire,
And at nine o'clock the crank, used to chime a double blank,
So granddad had to knock – he couldn't go.