"How to Start a Divorce"

A woman standing nude in front of a mirror
remarked to her husband,

'I look horrible, I feel old, fat and ugly. Pay
me a compliment!'

He replies,

'You have perfect eyesight!'


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"Gift for a Wife"

Bill meets Doug shopping at the mall and sees
he has a small gift wrapped box.

"It's my wife's birthday tomorrow." Doug said.
"Last week I asked her what she wanted for
her birthday."

"And???" Bill asked.

"Well, she said 'Oh, I don't know just give me
something with diamonds in it'."

"So what did you get her?" asked Bill.

"I bought her a deck of cards!!"