Mrrzy,

I, Coomunist Bob, have been through the divorce, the child custody hearings and a lot of other stuff that went along with it. It hurts like hell, but it you should let it out, cry, scream, pull at your hair, whatever you need, because you can't get over it until you do.

I recommend having periodic sessions with Tammy Wynnette--you know which song is the best, I am sure, but the all of her stuff is good for dealing with this. On paticularly bad days, I just listen to the same songs over and over again in a darkened room.

Remember, this pain is a pain of transition, a pain involved with letting go. You will get past it, as you rebuild your life around the new situation.

A lot of kids don't always live with their parents, and for a lot of reasons. The important thing is that they are safe, and kept out of the range of conflict.

Here is some "Communist Bob" advice--and take it to heart, because he learned this the hard way--

1--RECOGNIZE YOUR ANGER AND LEARN TO MANAGE IT--You will spend a lot of time thinking about the terrible things that have been done to you, this naturally brings up some of what seems like justified rage. When you let a little bit out, the rest will want to follow, and many things can be said and done that are hard to undo (Bob can tell you more about this if you enter KEY PHRASES like police cars, protective writs, straight jackets, restraining orders, and show-cause hearings)

2-DON"T PUT YOUR KIDS IN THE MIDDLE--Simple comments like,"Your mother is a cheap floozy who spreads her legs for every juiced up weirdo that passes out on her couch" often are misunderstood by children, who then feel like they must defend the parents from one another.

3-DON"T GET DRUNK AWAY FROM HOME--There is a tendency to "Go out on the town" to get away from your troubles. The thing is that, in a diminished capacity, you won't fully appreciate the troubles of the strangers that you meet, and some may want to fight with you, while others may simply be desperate to see the insides of you wallet. Not to mention the unsypathetic trees that you may run into.

4-AVOID CONSOLATION SEX--Yes, the provacatively dressed divorced neighbors, housekeepers, and waitresses may all seem to offer the sort of love that was missing in your marriage. And you may see promising romantic possiblilities with internet pals like CLAP GIRL, LOCOMOTIVE LADY, and even BUTTER BOY. Even the breathless, whisper-voiced voiced clerk who answers the phone at the auto parts store may seem to offer new heights of life experience. The thing is, and just trust Bob on this, you'll just end up in more trouble.

5-DON'T TRY TO BUY YOUR KIDS LOVE--Communist Bob was once called Capitalist Bob, Yuppie Bob, and Acura Bob. He made the mistake of providing catered bowling retreat birthday parties, Airwalkers with the days of the week sewn into the uppers, and trips to FAO Schwartz and Calvin Kleing for Kids part of each visit. He spent $300 dollars on boxes and ribbons alone for birthdays and at Christmas. Now he is also known as Rusted-out Escort Bob, and has to have prior appoval of all the gifts by the bankruptcy judge but they still love him.

Communist Bob still has days of regret, but, things have calmed down, and after eleven years of litigation, custody hearings, and tens of thousands of dollars in expenses,his oldest child is going to college.

Good Luck.