Dear Mrr, if you believe in or can use visualisation, see your heart surrounded in pink light...it's not just the lungs, it's the heart which goes through such tremendous pain and literal "heartache" during times such as these. Give yourself time to feel the hurt and sadness, etc. The anger will come when you are ready, not when someone else tells you. just don't keep it bottled up once it does come. And, sing to your heart, also, think kind thoughts to it, tell yourself that you love yourself.

I've been divorced twice, both times with a kid or two involved. The best advice I ever got from my lawyers was to keep a diary/log of everything that went on, i.e. children picked up & dropped off, support payments received, anything said by the ex, clothing not returned, you name it, every single detail. When I had to take my first ex back to court for non-support, it mattered a great deal that I had kept such good records of everything.

The other thing is to be completely honest with your kids. I think I went overboard on this with my kids about my first ex, but I was young and didn't know any better. None the less, my two older chidlren have turned out to be quite wonderful individuals who've made their first committed relationships last and work a lot better than I did my first. I didn't denigrate their father as much as just make sure they understood what life was like when he was involved...such as sharing the last bounced support check ever received, when they became teenagers and started asking more questions about him.

I agree that children need both their parents, if possible, but sometimes that just isn't a good idea. In Wyoming, at the time, if a parent didn't pay court ordered support for over a year, they could have their rights revoked. I did that, then remarried and had my youngest. When her dad and I got divorced, he signed over all of his rights, as his father had done when he was little. He didn't want to see her go through any of the nasty divorce stuff he'd seen in the past and felt it was better for her. I am NOT suggesting this in your case, just relaying some personal experience. If anything, it sounds as though you really should have sole custody!

It does get better. After that divorce, I didn't think I'd ever be happy with anyone again. About a year and a half later, I married Rog, who adopted all three of the kids and we just had our 20th anniversary this year.

Well, that's probably more than you wanted to hear, but I hope some of it helps.

All the best,

kat