My cousin Sylvia wouldn't respond to anything like that. She's a nurse.

Mind you, if it were a bedpan you needed..... who knows?

bring me bedpan Sylvie!
hear me callin' you
Bring me bedpan Sylvie
Cos I'm needin a pooh
(but that Sylvie she's a fillin' a resources slip for the health and safety man, who has a cost cutting iniative in full flow at the very moment the all bran starts kickin' in down there on Nightingale ward!)

Bring me a bedpan sylvie
can't you hear my desperate shout!
bring me bedpan sylvie
I can feel it coming out!

(but that Sylvie she's got some notes to write up for the Mr Screwloose, the orthopaedic surgeon with oakleaves who had to rush out cos he's been a bleeped. And you rush off in this place, when you're a bleeped! your parking space might be under threat!)

bring me a bedpan sylvie
didn't you hear what I said
Bring me bedpan sylvie
too late! I've shit the bed.