Well, they train pastors in Clinical Pastoral Care to break news like this when there has been a traffic fatality--- it can take awhile for this whole cycle to play out, with pauses in between while the family absorbs each element:

"Mr. [name], there has been an accident... Can you come to the hospital?" (or, "Can you wait here please while I see what is happening?")

"Your [family member] was involved."

"Well, it turns out it was a serious accident."

"I believe they are still working on [him, her]...."

"Mr. [name], the doctor has asked me to let you know that things are not going well.... they are doing everything they can... are there some people you would like to call to come be with you?"

"Mr. [name], you know that the doctors have been working very hard to try to save your [family member].... I am sorry to say that the injuries were so serious that they were not able to save [him, her]...."

And sometimes the deceased has been long gone before the right people can be there to break the news in the right way, so there can be some support.

Then there is the story I heard recently about the WRONG way. Not a joke-- the doctor came out and said to the family, "In every life there are these two days. One is the day we are born. For your family member, today was the other day." He turned on his heel and left. That was it.

~Susan