This is what my dad used to sing to me when I was younger

Two big black eyes has my brother jim
cuz somebody threw some tomatoes at him
Tomatoes don't hurt said poor jim with a grin
But those darn tomatoes
They were in a tin

The salvation army once called at our door
said they were saving mens soles by the score
I said what about your woman
they said they are alright
I said Save me a big fat one for next saturday night