My name is Dave & you may think me depraved
but I'm a Mancunian Geordie from Aus
Lived here 15 years
Didn't notice the English drink beer
but I'll tell you how to live now because

You're all suitably cowed when I read my mighty poems out loud
& when I tell of my impressive credentials
My life's work is done
Shakespeare 0 Dave 1
(though it's possible I've gone a bit mental)

Forget Beatles, forget Rock, forget Punk, forget Trance
forget any music that made your heart dance
forget that Folk's about people having a good time
we'll do it my way now, right down the line

No skill, no talent, no creative new ground
Just the same song in the same way every time it comes round
Yes it may become boring
Yes I'm anal & sad
But at least my singing can't become any more bad

So pack up those guitars, those fiddles, that box
popular music's now out of order
you can all sit around
and bathe in the sound
of my grade 1 skill on recorder