I got this chap to come and replace some bits of floorboards where someone had helpfully poured cement to fill up gaps. Getting him to use seasoned timber was a tad fraught. Endowed as he was with the aesthetic tastes and design skills of a dung beetle, he completely missed in the point with his puzzled whinge of "It'll be all right with carpet over it",

At the height of the economic boycott of goods from the South African apartheid regime, I asked a market trader where his fruit had come from. He reassured me that his oranges were not from there. "It's not nice to think of all those black hands all over them", he sympathised.

WAV is both these people. Dim and nasty. He's been around for four years (wow!) yet has failed to realise that Malcolm Douglas is the bees' knees when it comes to knowing stuff and that Eliza C is the dogs' bollocks in versatility and excellence.

May I join the queue in exhorting you to fuck off.