Did the chap in question ask for a booking at the end of the night and when you refused did you tell him why?

A good way to shut an unaccompanied phone up is to drop it in the owner's beer - or answer it and give the caller an ansafone style message.

I put a notice on the door telling people to wait until the performer has finished before coming into the room. It's surprising how many people can't read!

We have someone who will play sudoku or whatever on their PDA all night. I need a suitable put down for that one.

If someone does your song better than you then learn from it. If you do it better then do it the next time they're in the club.

Cheers
Mark