in the voice of Steven Wright:

The only time McCain doesn't feel like he has to pee
is when he's peeing.

Instead of campaigns and elections, The candidates should play Plinko.

You'd think the stock market would lose its license after crashing everyday this month.

A motorcycle cop yelled "pull over'
I said no its a Cardigan.

How can you have an afterlife when you die. That would be an after death.