He gets his maiden auntie to do them up for him each morning...besides which, did you know that he was last August's "cover boy" for Wankers' Monthly Magazine?

Wrong, wrong, wrong, LH - my shoelaces are done up each morning by Granma McAlatia - and whilst the cheque for the Wankers' Monthly cover shoot came in very handy indeed, of course I don't take the magazine myself, ahem, preferring as I do the far classier German quarterly Sich Abzapfen. Nice to know it gave someone someone some pleasure anyway...

Keep watching the skies!