To the tune of "The Lincolnshire Poacher"


I was travelling on the Paris train,
From my home in La Rochelle.
I laughed a lot in the toilet,
Cos I'd made a terrible smell.
But as I pulled my trousers up,
My mobile fell in the loo.
And I stood for just a second there,
Not sure quite what to do.

I reached into the lavatory pan,
My mobile to retrieve.
In order not to soak my shirt,
I rolled up my right sleeve.
I reached down bravely in the pan,
But such was my bad luck.
I set off the mechanism,
And the flush began to suck.

I didn't have a mobile phone,
To call and stop the train.
So as it was an emergency,
I pulled hard on the chain.
The train came shuddering to a halt,
The Pompiers came quick.
I suppose to some of the officers,
I must have looked quite thick!

They sawed the bottom of the pan,
Until it was released.
But suddenly I realised,
The problem had not ceased.
To those who are quite squeemish,
I'm am sorry to cause alarm.
When I tell you that the lavatory pan,
Was still stuck on my arm.

They took me to the hospital,
To remove the dratted pan.
And then I realised that I,
Had been a stupid man.
So if perchance whilst on a train,
Your phone falls down the loo.
Don't try too hard to retrieve it,
Or you'll look stupid too!!!!

(C) Mike Hill 2008