38 REASONS WHY PEOPLE VOTE REPUBLICAN


1. I'm voting Republican because I want Corporate America to have even more
power over the government than it does now.

2. I'm voting Republican because I love to use roads, bridges, highways,
mass transportation, and satellites for my GPS, without having to pay for
them.

3. I'm voting Republican because I rely on the protection of the police and
the fire department, the court system, the national guard, and our national
military without wanting to pay for them either.


4. I'm voting Republican because I have too much money in my bank to be
protected by the FDIC.

5. I'm voting Republican because I'm super-rich, and I need more tax breaks
to make even more money.

6. I'm voting Republican because I have seven houses, and thirteen cars,
just like the average American does!

7. I'm voting Republican because I complain about people in society
constantly not being able to make my change after ordering a latte, or store
employees not being able to speak English, and I'm not willing to pay to
educate them properly.

8. I'm voting Republican because I believe that the rights of a group of
dividing cells outweighs the rights of the woman carrying those cells, no
matter what.

9. I'm voting Republican because some amendments of the "Bill of Rights"
matter more than others, name the Second amendment.

10. I'm voting Republican because I think CEOs of corporations should make
my health care decisions, based on the profit margin for their company.

11. I'm voting Republican because everyone in America already has health
care, or should pay for it on their own.

12. I'm voting Republican because I want to make sure to dismantle that
pesky wall between church and state; as long as it's a Christian church,
that is.

13. I'm voting Republican because I support illegal wars, based on faulty
intelligence, against countries that didn't attack us first.

14. I'm voting Republican because I believe that voting is only for a
privileged few, and that voting should be controlled by corporations.

15. I'm voting Republican because I believe that the government should be
able to secretly listen to my private phone calls, read my letters, e-mails,
or find out what books I'm checking out of the library, all without
oversight.

16. I'm voting Republican because I believe that only certain people have a
right to habeas corpus in our court system. … again, going to back to those
pesky amendments!

17. I'm voting Republican because I think the Constitution is a dead
document that should only read be in terms of 19th century America;
therefore, I support the return of counting African-Americans as 3/5 of a
person, that women shouldn't vote, and that the loser of our presidential
election should automatically be vice-president.

18. I'm voting Republican because shredding the Constitution in the name of
safety and fear is a great idea.

19. I'm voting Republican because it's okay for America to torture people.

20. I'm voting Republican because I believe building our economy on
liquefied fossils is a smart idea … they will never run out!

21. I'm voting Republican because blowing off the tops of mountains, and
piling the detritus into valleys and streams is a great way to mine for
coal, and we have an endless supply of land.

22. I'm voting Republican because I believe the system of checks and
balances we learned in middle school is a fluke; that there should be one
all-powerful executive branch (unless, of course, the president is a
Democrat, which is why we need corporate-owned voting machines).

23. I'm voting Republican because I want to force my moral standards on
everyone else in the country, especially those of other religions or
beliefs.

24. I'm voting Republican because I believe that government should be
monitoring the private actions of two consenting adults in the privacy of
their own homes.

25. I'm voting Republican because a loving couple should have no business
wanting to make each other's medical decisions, or visit each other in a
hospital, or leave an inheritance to the other when one passes, unless I
approve of the relationship first.

26. I'm voting Republican because the more rich people we have in this
country, the better off we will be.

27. I'm voting Republican because the middle class was only a temporary
after-effect of FDR's New Deal, and that we don't really need to protect
their interests any longer.

28. I'm voting Republican because our country and planet can take more
pollution, more contamination, more warming, because it's just part of
nature, and not man made.

29. I'm voting Republican because federal budget deficits just don't matter.

30. I'm voting Republican because declaring a war for oil was a great idea;
and letting corporations into the country afterwards gave those businesses
billions of unaccountable dollars.

31. I'm voting Republican because I don't believe that workers need a
minimum wage, and that corporations should be free to pay as little as they
need to for work, like Wal-Mart, to keep prices low for me.

32. I'm voting Republican because Karl Rove, Scooter Libby, Donald Rumsfeld,
Dick Cheney, Jack Abramoff Alberto Gonzales, Paul Wolfowitz, and President
George W. Bush are just great guys.

33. I'm voting Republican because I approve of the way the government
handled the hurricane Katrina disaster, and I think its great it took days
for federal help to arrive to the starving, thirsty people of New Orleans.

34. I'm voting Republican because I believe a variety of viewpoints, and
intellectual discourse, has no place in the Oval Office; there should be one
infallible decider.

35. I'm voting Republican because we need to maintain our white, Christian,
male dominated, English speaking society for the benefit of our diverse
society.

36. I'm voting Republican because after twelve years of Republican rule in
Congress, and eight years of Republican executive rule, the fundamentals of
our economy are strong (not including the present bailout, the mortgage
crisis, the stock market crisis, the increasing unemployment, or the golden
parachutes by several CEOs).

37. I'm voting Republican because equality – economic, class, gender,
sexuality, racial – doesn't matter.

38. I'm voting Republican because I don't believe that an elite, college
Constitutional law professor, who came from humble origins and worked his
way up to Harvard, and who inspires hope in millions of people ignored by
the last administration has any business leading our country.