Ok, ok, ok . . . after crawling to the bathroom to change me knickers, I managed to scrawl this on the library floor. I'm not sure whether Lennon/McCartney wrote the tune, or whether they ripped it off from Rogers/Hammerstein, but here ya go (ya bunch of buggahs!):Would You Promise Not To Chew?
(Tune: If I Fell In Love With You)
(Intro)
If I fell in love with you,
Would you promise not to chew,
In contests "dung-kudu"?
When I knew that you were "it",
Was when I saw how far you spit,
Oh, the marks that you could hit!
When I fell in love with you,
I have to say,
Was when you rose to spit Kudu,
On a bright sunny day,
And oh!
As you puckered up to blow,
I knew
That I had to have your dung,
And you!
The gentle breeze that blew your hair,
And your fair share,
Of brown pellets through the square,
From here to there,
Was so,
Oh so sweet as each one left
Your cheek,
Though I had to hold my nose,
From the reek.
As the contest it wound down,
To mounds on the ground,
I tried hard to catch your eye,
Let you know I'd found
My love,
But I could not stand to go,
You know,
For I was stuck from head to toe,
In offal doe.
As I watched you walk away,
With the grand prize,
I knew I'd never fill the cup,
Come up to size,
For you,
Were a champion of poo,
And I,
Just could never measure up to
Kudu doo,
If I fell in love with you.