Mr. Little Hawk IN RE: Chimp v. Chimp c/o The Mudcat Cafe
Dear Mr. Hawk,
De Nye, De Nye and Delay has been retained by Ms. Chinga Chimp as her attorneys de jure and de facto. You are hereby enjoined from making any statement denying Ms. Chimp's sororial relationship with Mr. Chongo Chimp until such time as certain testing of dioxyribonucleic acid (hereinafter "DNA"), and specifically mitochondrial DNA, is complete.
It is the contention of Ms. Chimp that she is in fact the sister of Mr. Chimp and will prove said relationship in Cook County Court, Chicago, Illinois. Further, Ms. Chimp is, upon proving her case, asking the Court to award her all legal fees, fifty thousand dollars ($50,000.00) for psychological damages which forced her into a life of prostitution, and five hundred thousand dollars ($500,000.00) punitive damages.
Know that you have been named by Ms. Chimp as a party to the denial of her sororial relationship with Mr. Chimp and the Court will be asked to apportion the awards equally between Mr. Chimp and you.