Susan - maybe I know some advice although I'm not sure. It may sound a little too scientific or too rational after all that was said up to here, and I don't know if it helps you, but at least it helped me.

Try to find out what exactly e.g. the following words mean to you in particular - thus finding out the differences between them:

Religion - religiosity - belief - heaven/hell - christian - christianity - love - tolerance - peace - church - organized religion - moral - ethics - sin - good/bad ...

You know e.g. 'christianity' is not just a noun made from the adjective 'christian'. Witches were burnt in the name of christianity but was that christian? If not, who is to blame for that fatal mistake? Christianity, the church, Mr. ..., or even YOU? (Well if you really think that it was you just tell us and we will have you arrested and condemned and hanged on the highest tree because crucifiction is a little tasteless nowadays and then we can live in peace with ourselves and you can have a place in history not to say become immortal and and and... ;->)

There are many, many key questions you can ask to find out those differences. Just some examples:

- What do you think will get you to heaven: Decent behaviour or strong belief? Obeying rules many religions tell or supporting your church? ...

- What is more important to you: Getting to heaven or behaving well on earth? (Would you go to hell for the welfare of somebody you love or to get him/her to heaven? Do you think doing so will get you to hell? BTW - what's love?)

- What do you think is better: Whining about mistakes done by others together or avoiding them yourself quite alone?

I am sure you will run into many more questions of this kind if you think about the above words and what they mean to you when trying to answer such questions. When you're done with it, i.e. when you know what all of this means to you - then ask yourself again whether there is a need to apologize. (Well - maybe so...)

Love

Joerg