Then there's the Blues approach...

I was riding the train this mornin',
And felt in need of a crap
Yeah, I was riding the train this mornin',
And I felt in need of a crap
But as I was thrutching and straining
My phone had a nasty mishap!

('thrutching' is a very descriptive Lancashire word meaning 'giving my full attention and concerted effort to...'!)

My phone had slipped into a place
A place where it really should not be
Yeah, my phone had slipped into a place
A place where it really should not be
In and amongst the slop and slime
And sloshing around in my poo and pee.

I had to have my phone back
There was only one thing I could do
Yeah, I had to have my phone back
There was really only one thing that I could do
So I rolled up my shirt sleeve
And plunged my hand into the pee and the poo.

Here's where it all went worse, now,
Cos my hand became entangled in the workings of the can
Yeah, that's where it all went worse, now,
Cos my hand became well and truly entangled in the workings of the can
So now I'm trapped in a railroad loo
Waiting for the arrival of the Sanitary Man!

(one advantage with Blues is a line that doesn't really scan can be gabbled so it still fits!!)