Ya' know Smoke, I've been wondering the same thing about Eco-travel. At first I thought he meant things like flying "Economy" class or something. That couldn't be it though as Economy has become so bad they never sell it out anymore.

Did you ever fly Economy? Last time I did that I got a seat behind the crappers and it was nothing but a folding chair with a rope for a seat belt. Even worse, the rope wasn't attached to anything but the folding chair itself. I could barely hear the Flight Attendant going over the safety instructions and when I looked up for the trap cover of the oxygen mask, there was just a note written on it in Magic Marker saying, "Hold Your Breath."

The Safety Card in the side pocket wasn't too encouraging either. There was a picture of my "Emergency Exit" which showed a crashed and burning airliner, broken into pieces, and the arrows directing me out where the breaks were. It also said, "After making emergency exit, Stop, Drop, and Roll."

The other side of the card covered crash preparation and was more succinct. It read, "When the Pilot flashes the Fasten Seatbelt Sign a Flight Attendant will shout 'ASSUME CRASH POSITION'--- Please lean forward, grab your ankles, put your head between your legs, and kiss your ass goodbye."

Fortunately nothing happened along those lines but the service wasn't any great shakes. The magazine selection consisted mainly of a couple of dozen copies of Disease Detection which had been donated by a hospital where they had been the single source of reading in the Emergency Room for the past 17 years. I leafed through one but when I realized they were so old that the main feature was on bloodletting I tossed it.

A guy asked what the movie was and he was shown a deck of cards which showed a stick figure running as the attendant riffled through them. Kinda' chintzy to say the least but then the meal came and it was actually tasty. Well at least it wasn't bland. The Economy meal was a gas station bean burrito and a double shot of tequila. About a half hour later though things really got to kickin' in the digestive tract and when I unroped and stepped forward I found the crapper doors all locked. It turns out that flying economy requires you to pay a $5.00 fee for each restroom usage. I ponied up just in time and blew a major load in their head. The woman sitting across the aisle didn't have the money and shit herself pretty badly. Then again, is there a good way to shit yourself?

It was a bad trip. I figure Eco travel of any sort just ain't for me. Or at least I ain't gonna' try any form of it again too soon, although I can see its the kind of thing that WavyFunkyWhiteBoyRacist would actually enjoy.....perhaps even wallow in, so to speak.


Spaw