Ha! Ever the glib scoundrel, reinventing the events of the past to clothe himself in unearned glory, reveling in totally false tales of his martial exploits and derring do. Ah...but if I were to tell of the time that I had to rescue you from not five, not four, not even three or two, but from ONE scrawny 12 year old urchin from the Paris slums who had backed you into a corner wielding nothing more than a zucchini! Yes, a zucchini, and a smallish zuchinni at that, and you armed with a good rapier too. Shocking! But I kept it a secret, didn't I? I could have told every musketeer in the length and breadth of France, but I protected your good name...God knows it wasn't much, but it was all you had. It was my compassion for my fellow man and my true love for a comrade that moved me on that occasion....that and the fifty gold pieces that you gave me in gratitude for saving you from total public humiliation.

Shortly after that you were taken, alas, into the employ of the Baron de Schelly and you all went off on that ill-advised escapade in Flanders where, I am told, you were forced to walk nude through the streets following the catastrophic defeat of your patron's forces, and then placed in the stocks where the citizens could mock you and hurl refuse at your privy parts. Fortunately, due to the fact that you were well known to be far more dangerous to your own side than to the enemy, you were shortly thereafter released and repatriated back to Beaugency where you took on a promising career as an informant and petty thief, having failed totally as a soldier.

But perhaps I have said too much...