What the hell does he mean: "When I'm 64"? I AM 64, have been for 4 months now, and am just beginning to realise that age creeps up slowly but precisely. The sciatica and the short sight, the years of living with asthma are taking more of a toll these days.

However, on the bright side, I have three tests at the start of the day which, if I pass them, reassure me that the day could be quite good. The prerequisite test is, of course, actually waking up but, on the assumption that I manage to do this, my 3 tests are:

1. Getting into my underpants* without them being inside out
2. Getting into my underpants* without them being back to front
3. Getting into my underpants* without both legs being in one hole

If I pass all these tests - and most days I do - then I've had a good start to the day.

*underpants - no doubt some kindly lexicographer or philologist from across the Pond will supply the correct US equivalent of underpants.