Bobert,

I mentioned your dilema to a close friend (a lesbian) who offers this advice. Hope it is useful.

Some women coming out of a failed lesbian relationship seek an overly-dependent relationships with another woman because they don't know the proper boundaries in a healthy friendship.

It is your role, as a non gay friend, to set the boundaries early in your friendship, in a non-confrontal way. Remind her that there are limits to your relationship (set limits to the frequency of contact etc.

To avoid the likely fear of rejection, in doing this be careful not to send messages that her lesbian status is the reason for the boundaries. Frequently mention your healthy, close and happy relationship with your husband is the utmost of importance to you.

Remember that you must not be viewed by her (or by yourself) as the only one who can help her, or the main or only person she can confide in or rely on. Encourage her to pursue other friendships. Avoid any hints of the exclusivity which can lead to an emotional dependency. Healthy lives involve many relationships. Obviously, there are some needs that you will not be able to help her with.













Abridged, from website:
http://www.leaderu.com/jhs/davies-worthen.html



How Can We Help a Friend If We Suspect That He or She Has This Problem?
Work on deepening your friendship.