Generally speaking, one can get rid of any unwanted food by giving it to the wiener dog, with one caveat: he may throw it up all over the carpet shortly after devouring it. They'll eat almost anything, but they're not always so good at keeping it down.

One exception, however, is fruitcake. Most wiener dogs are not completely stupid and even those that are will not eat much, if any fruitcake. They will sniff at it cautiously, drag it around the room a bit, break off some small pieces, chew them and then spit them out on the floor, stare at the resultant mess with a look of mild disgust, then toddle off to their favorite resting spot, utter a deep sigh, and flop down for a snooze.

So one still has the fruitcake to dispose of, only it's been spread around some.

I think that a large number of fruitcakes could be used to build a small hut, such as an outdoor storage hut. It would be almost impervious to weather and could serve as a fallout shelter in case of a nuclear attack. One could eat little bits off the interior walls while waiting for the outside radiation to subside and could probably survive for months...providing one had water, a good supply of laxatives, and an absolutely castiron digestive system.

Who invented the damn things is what I want to know? I bet it was the English.