poem by nic toczek:-

NEWT

It's better by far to own a newt
Than a bedbug or a bandicoot.
Truly, there's no substitute
For the ownership of a real live newt.

I'll tell you this: if I'd a newt
I'd feed it fish and free-range fruit,
French food freshly fried en croute,
Baked bean butties and boiled beetroot.

I'd dress my newt in a minute suit,
Shoving each claw in a Wellington boot,
And, every weekday, he's commute
To a management job at an institute.

In war, my newt, as a raw recruit
Would learn to march and aim and shoot
And stand up straight and give a salute
And volunteer to execute
A daring raid by parachute.

And if life left me destitute,
My poverty utter and absolute…
Ah,well! I'd simply sell the brute
For a decent price cos he'd be a beaut

And you get a lotta loot
You get a lotta loot
You get a lotta loot
For a newt that's cute.