I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said, "morning." He replied, "No, just having a shit."


Mick Hucknall was arrested while trying to have sex with a rabbit. Apparently, he was "holding back the ears" but the "bunny was too tight to mention"


I've been trying to help childless couples by making anonymous donations of my sperm. However, I've
now been told I should really be doing this through a clinic and not straight through their letterboxes.

Viagra ... Now available in powder form to put in your tea. Does f*ck all for your erections, but it stops your
biscuits going soft!

One night I managed to make love for an hour and five minutes. It was when they put the clocks forward.

Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!" I sent her my ironing, that'll keep the bitch busy.