Hmmm -- chokingly dry, tasting of burnt raisins -- yep, a supermarket fruitcake. The Marks & Sparks version boasts that expensive top layer of marzipan to add that element of snare and delusion.

Fruitcake is one of those traditional foods that cannot be made well on a commercial basis -- too much work, and if it's going to be good you have to use lots of the most expensive ingredients. (It shares this status with hollandaise sauce and tripe Lyonnaise.)

Now, even a supermarket fruitcake can be improved by soaking in good-quality dark rum or whiskey -- use a sweet-tasting variety such as rye (Canadian), bourbon, or Jack Daniel's. Pour the liquor on top of the cake and wrap it up for a week. Taste, and repeat the treatment if it's still chokingly dry. The booze should do something about the taste of burnt raisins, too.