Spaw, I have the perfect cure for flatulence, and as a birthday gift, I hereby bequeath it to you. Just follow my instructions and breathe deeply as you comply.

1. First, lie face down, with your knees bent and your hips raised, horsey like (stop twitching), chest to the ground. This yoga asana is known as Salute to the Swoon.

2. Now flatulence, as you know, is a sign of inverted over-cognisance of the brain. Rather than repressing your thoughts, thus causing them to evacuate like to much hot air rectally, I suggest that you relax your shoulders and emit a long, low sound ( " OOOOOOOOMMMMMM ") with the proviso, that, as you think, so you will become.

3. Allow all your innermost thoughts to flow along your vocal chords with the sound of your OOOMMMNiscient self, and you will be releasing the innermost airs of the damned.

4. follow this practise, with feeling, for at least three days, and I guarantee you will be relieved of your chronic digestive hallucinations.

I shall stop in, from time to time, and administer the whip to enhance and hasten sonary emmissions.

happy birthday 'spaw

Nurse Ratched