"Auto Hazards, and Excuses for Speeding Tickets"

1. A guy was driving down a country road, at night, in a
convertible and he heard a loud noise in the back of his
car. Apparently a deer was jumping out of the bush into
the road and landed in the back seat of his car. Needless
to say the man was very startled and was lucky not to
get into an accident.

2. When I was 16 I was pulled over for running a
yellow light. When the officer (male) asked why I
had done it, I replied without thinking. "My dog was
neutered today and I have to get home and check
him out." Needless to say, I didn't get a ticket that day."

3. I was driving Braille in a old VW bug coming home
from San Francisco late one night with a friend and
we had been drinking. A California Highway Patrol car
stopped us and asked why my car was swaying back
and forth and if I had been drinking. I told him that the
front-end of my car was in really bad shape and couldn't
help driving like that. I told him I had one drink and wasn't
drunk. He gave me a sobriety test and somehow I passed
and he believed my story. He turned to the other patrolman
and said..." I told you he probably had something wrong
with his front-end." Then he let me drive on home. There
wasn't anything wrong with my car!

4. "Oh, officer, I've been living in Germany for so many
years that I forgot how to read the signs in miles per
hour. I sure am glad to be home and have someone
remind me!" He let me go with a warning.

5. Oh, I know what happened, my brother told me
that he had some really good tires for my old car here,
but they were a little bit bigger than the old ones. That
must have thrown off the cruise-control, because I had
it set at 67 mph, like usual." I was scolded for trying to
go two miles over the speed limit, and let go.

6. This guy was driving down the freeway and was
stopped by the California Highway Patrol for talking
on his cell phone, shaving with his electric razor and
steering the car with his elbow all at the same time!

7. Please excuse me from this speeding ticket. My
wife ran off with a state policeman and when I saw
your flashing lights I didn't stop because I thought
you might be the trooper who is trying to bring her
back to me.

8. This excuse I have actually used and it worked. I had
gotten pulled over for speeding, and I told the cop I had
dropped a cigarette in my lap, and while lifting my butt up
to retrieve it, I must have inadvertently pushed down on
the gas pedal...