And there were giants in those days, and in the shadow of fear of them the people of the valleys and the forests lived. Their steps were as the steps of a thousand, and caused the earth to tremble, and their eyes were the eyes of the damned and the mad.

And for the people of those lands there was little hope, for they lived their hours in the disconsolate sound of giants, and their hearts were sore burdened thereby. For their days were filled with the foul sounds of the drum and the heartless riff of the Fender, and the people knew no joy.

And it came to pass that to that valley there traveled several heroes, coming from the north and from the south, each in their own time. And one was yclept The Dick, and one The Max, and one The Chjeff, and one the Spaw, and another the Rick. And the giants of that land grew wroth to see them, and did rock around the clocke in their anger. But the Rick stood before them and was not enthralled, and spoke unto them, saying, "This is not Musick!! This is Garbage!"
And by his side in that moment stood the Heroe Max, and by his stood the Hero Dick, and they did stand tall before the horrible sounds of the Giants, saying unto them, "Yeah, man!! Garbage!"

And a great battle did ensue, for the Giants were wroth at this challenge, and vowed among themselves to bury these Heroes that their Naymes should be forever lost to the ears of Man. Then did they advance with agreat sounding of drums and twanging of Electrical Fenders and Bass Runnes, and the people were sore afrayde, and cowarde. Yet the HEroes flinched not, and stood tall before them, one with his Twelve Strings in bright array, and one with his Lyricks, and another with Grayte Fartes.

And as the duste of that battle rose above the very Trees, the Heroe The Max rode forth, and by his pommel there did Shyne the Storage of Ancient Tradition Digital, that was knowne to men of old as Ye Catte. ANd so mightily did the Catte be swung that day that the heads and limbs of Giantes did litter the Lande, and their blude poured forth lyke unto a rivere.

And the Giants were felled therebye, and the people did rejoice with great SOnge and Harmony, and Acoustic sounds did fill the Lande, and alle were merrie.

Since when it is known to ALle Loveres of Gude Musick to invoke the Nayme of Heroes and the Catte which did free all menn of that Lande from gruesome Soundes, and sing Alle Prayse Ye Catte!

Joseph of Arimethia
Trans. from the Aramaic by Geoffery C.