"The next time anybody takes the piss out of me for being a brummie, I am going to accuse them of being rascist."

Well, here's the reason I'm a miserable bugger on this one. I moved from the outskirts of Brum when I was 16 to a small town south of Manchester. When I arrived here complete with accent I received a barrage of abuse I was totally unprepared for. Although many people were fine, I got such stick about my accent in the end I purposefully lost it in order to fit in.

I've regretted doing this ever since, and I'm sure the small-minded tossers who endlessly went on about my Birmingham accent never realised they were causing offence (I kept quiet about it), to them it was all a big laugh. Nowadays I don't give a shit. I would rather have been raised a Brummie than anything else and although not born there I consider myself a Brummie before anything else - at school we all thought of ourselves as Brummie.

I tell you what Villan, if everyone had the self-deprecating humour of the Brummies the world would be a better place.

The royal family are all w*nkers as far as I'm concerned anyway, racist or otherwise.

Bostin!