For many years, the thought of caring for someone so deeply that it hurt, didn't cross my mind, because I knew it wasn't in the cards for me. So, I threw myself into my career and looked straight ahead. I was a shooting star in my little corner of the corporate world. Then, it happened, someone stole their way into my life and stopped me dead in my tracks. The inclination was to turn and run as fast as I could, away from the temptation. But, like all temptation, it was smooth and sinewy and worked it's way around my defenses and straight to my heart. Oh, it was wonderful, and I hadn't been this happy and content in eons. The protectiveness and caring were overwhelming and I didn't feel the need to be the boss of everything. We saw into each other's souls and I knew that I could never lie or keep anything from this person and the feeling was mutual. When someone has looked into your soul, there are no more secrets. There were complications and obstacles, but none that caused me to feel uncomfortable. There was unabashed acceptance, between both of us. Then, one day it just stopped. Now, I go through the days wondering what I did wrong. Was it something I said? Was it something I did? Was I not pretty enough, or smart enough, or thin enough? Did I get too close? But, of course, that couldn't be the reason, because I was invited in and asked to trust. And I did. With absolutely no reservations. I would have been happy with just a portion. I never asked for it all. Now, I go through the motions of living. Putting one foot in front of the other; smiling and nodding at the appropriate times; pretending that all is well because I am an independent soul and all must be well. I want to crawl away and die. I want the hurt to stop. Sometimes I write. Sometimes I sing. Sometimes I do nothing. But I want to find the reason and sanity in all this.

IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE

I blinked my eyes and you were there
With thoughtful phrase and words of care.
A shadow force of emotion and rage
Today is gone I turn the page.

From light 'til dark we wander alone
Through the maze of life we've each been on.
"Why's" and "how's" are left unsaid
"No reason for lies." whispers in my head.

The hours go by with words of "we must"
Laughing aloud and desperate to trust.
Each night is the same or so it seems
He signs off with "hugs" and I with "sweet dreams."

Time goes by too fast for real life
A figment perhaps or a dream to suffice.
To hold in my heart for one more night
The promise of truth and pervading insight.

I blinked my eyes and you were there.
In my days and nights too much time to spare.
A brief moment in time which seemed so long
I blinked my eyes and you were gone.

I blinked my eyes and you were there
With thoughtful phrase and words of care
A shadow force of emotion and rage
Now you are gone and I turn the page.

TRUST

In the grand arena of life there are no secrets
"Tell me yours and I'll love you," you said.
But as I look through your eyes and into your soul
I wonder how many times you've said this before.

Tell me who you are and how you've survived
"I'll take care with your heart," you said.
So I take out the key that unlocks my world
And I hand it to you on a platter.

Trust is the answer to all that we want
"I'll cherish it like a flower," you said.
But suddenly my world falls from the shelf
And all that I am is shattered.

I lay in a pool of shame and humiliation
I should have known better than to give it away.
Hearts don't come cheap but I put mine on sale
My soul is flat, it really doesn't matter.

From twilight to midnight and on through to dawn
My thoughts wander like mist on the moor.
My mind doesn't stop, like birds in flight
My drugs are your words through the dark night.