this is long after the posts, but it was good to read the comments about ex's.

when I moved back in here after the renovations, I went through all the accumulated letters, cards, and documents, threw a lot out and kept the important ones in a large box under my bed. there were school reports for the kids (now adults) Christmas cards, documents from jobs etc. And a couple of toxic letters from my ex. Like you kat he'd tried to get custody, and kidnapped one of them in the process. he was one of those ones that became controlling, cruel and abusive after the wedding. when I got out after that marriage it took some years to regain my confidence.

I saw him at my youngest daughter's wedding in Austria in 2004, and made a point of being kind and courteous on the day.

He commented to friends afterwards that I had completely changed and was a different person.         I was just myself, a self he never saw or allowed me to be during the marriage.

I decided I only wanted good memories in that box under the bed, mostly because I know that one day my kids might be looking at them, clearing up when I've gone to the big de-clutter in the sky. so I threw out those two letters and now can't even remember what was in them.

I had some women friends over last night and we talked and laughed until late. One brought some fortune cookies for Chinese New year (it's now the Year of the Ox). It is a symbol of my life and where it's at now - all the things i want in my life are here. I have walked a long and curving path and brought the good with me, leaving some things (and people) behind here and there. And it's a very happy, creative, peaceful space.